Many of you know that I recently returned from a month-long journey through Europe, one that I had plotted in daydreams and exceptionally dull classes since I was in high school. It was in a word- fantastic. I began in Amsterdam and stayed with friends in Breda, Holland (home to the 2-day festival, Redheadday, no joke- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Red_head_day) Belgium and then to Paris, where I met up with an old friend to explore the famed city. I then traveled down to Nice in southern France, up to Switzerland where I stayed with a friend I’d met while teaching in Thailand, and then it was Italy: Venice, Florence, and Rome- all exceeding the standards I had set for them. From Rome, it was a 21-hour ferry (on the deck, mind you) to the coast of Greece, where I traveled to three different islands: Santorini, Paros, and Naxos. The flight home was bittersweet- a relief to no longer live outside of a rucksack but left with the gnawing thought that there was much, much more not seen than saw. (Images can be viewed @ http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2011672&id=158500543&l=cd11628b30)

I am back now. Thailand has changed little but I myself have changed much, as has my employment. I no longer teach. Presently, I have chosen to withhold plans for grad school one year to serve as the Youth Pastor for the international church I’ve attended over the last two years www.cccthailand.org along with serving as an advisor for the local school’s (International School of Bangkok) newspaper, The International, and organizing an intramurals sports program. Suffice it to say, it’s going to be a very busy, yet fulfilling, year.

The purpose of this blog was to serve as a way in which to make sense of the nonsensical situation I was cast into two years ago and convey my experiences to you, my readers. It has carried this out surprisingly well, and with it’s task fulfilled, I now choose to end it- in the words of one tragic icon, “It’s better to burn out, then fade away.” Though this isn’t true with all things (life, for example) I believe it certainly to be true with journeys such as this. God Bless and God Speed towards the thing that which you most deeply desire.

Signing Off,

Chris

That was two years ago.

Recently, I’ve spent the last two weeks back in the States, visiting old friends and eating devilishly-good Pennsylvania Dutch homecooking. Fortunately, I was able to make it to my older sister’s Master’s graduation from Columbia- Bill Clinton was the guest speaker, which made for an interesting ceremony, though he was a little verbose on health statistics. Congratulations, Maria!

Now I leave tomorrow for Europe; a month-long trip that I’ve been fashioning in my mind for the last six years and finally have the means to carry it out. Here’s the order of the countries I’ll be visiting: Netherlands, France, Switzerland, Italy, Greece. During the trip, I plan to stay with friends, at hostels, and with people through a fantastic network called CouchSurfing (which I totally suggest checking out).

I’m going to try to leave another blog that delves further into my trip plans before I fly out, but if I can’t make the time, I wish all of you the best and will try to send out some updates on the other side of the Atlantic. As they say in Dutch, “Tot ziens!”

In fact, it wasn’t mine either. Of course, it had all the requirements- the ethereal hymns, the pastor’s sermon glowing with the eternal hope- the works. However, hotel guests sauntered by the doorway of a room probably more familiar with business luncheons than the hearty singing of the saints. Also, it took place in Siem Reap, Cambodia- a first for me.

Dust.

After overlanding it by bus and taxi to Siem Reap, I spent the first part of my trip my friend Matt’s orphanage, which was definitely great! I especially enjoyed one teenager who was the ruling chess shark. I’m proud to say I narrowly escaped forcing him into a stalemate, which he was not at all happy about!

Angkor Wat

Nature wins.

I spent the next two days biking around the Angkor Archaeological Park, which includes over 1,000 ancient within 400 sq km. In 105 degree heat. Suffice it to say, I was unable to visit all of them (severe understatement). The park was marvelous- where formidable temples and bustling cities once lay, massive trees had torn through their streets and chambers, engulfing them in roots as thick as telephone poles.

Upon leaving , I traveled to Phnom Penh and was able to visit my friend Karen, a former intern with IJM. While there, I also visited two locations which continually revisited in my thoughts: Tuol Sleng Prison and the Killing Fields Memorial. The prior was a elementary school transformed into the most brutal, horrific prison during the reign of the Khmer Rouge. Thousands of victims- not only men and women, children as well- were brought in to be tortured to death, and if they survived, they would be trucked outside the city only to be beaten to death or buried alive in an enormous mass grave- The Killing Field.

A Tuol Sleng "interrogation" room

Not even visiting Auschwitz prepared one for the ghastliness- sallow stains still clung to the floors beneath rusting bedframes which people had been chained to while being tortured to death. In many rooms, a weathered black and white image of one of its victims hung in the room they had perished. Purposefully, the rooms were left as they were so as to not soften what the world had allowed to occur in near-willful ignorance.

I left Cambodia with a wide array of emotions and memories- some pleasant, others somber, but all valuable. Hopefully, I will have chance to return one day.

Water.

The family and I aboard the rafthouse

Days after returning home, I was invited by a Thai friend to join him and his best friend- along with his family- on a three day fishing trip on a rafthouse they had built. Despite the many cultural and lingual barriers, I had an absolutely fantastic time and loved getting to know these people!

There was Nok, who invited me for the weekend and was the only other person on the raft who spoke English. Gkai, Nok’s best friend, who spoke little unless he had drank a bit and then he would expound on philosophies he’d contrived. Along with Gkai and his wife, they had brought three children: Jah (the little princess of the family, spoiled in that special way Thai families do), Jin, the sweetest teenager you’ll meet- he has Down Syndrome and loved to stroke my arm and chest hair) and Jung, the wise-cracking college freshmen who loved to be “one of the guys”.

We spent most of our time sitting out on the annex raft, fishing for whatever we could catch which, in my case, was very little- I don’t have the patience for it. Eating was a massive undertaking, with Nok and Gkai working several hours in advance to prepare multiple-course meals, all very savory and delicious.

Hot chillies were added to the soaking shellfish we'd caught- this made them release dirt and sand

There were many highlights to the trip- the good conversation with Nok, teaching the boys in the art of water chicken fighting, eating, etc. I think that the best part of the experience was simply being part of the family, watching how they interact, and the sense of belonging the came along with it.

On the last day, we woke to find half a dozen enormous fish lying motionless on the raft. They were a farewell present from Long Roy- a wisened old fisherman who owned the land and was a good friend of the familys’- he’d caught them for us by setting illegal traps in the neighboring national park. What a guy!

One of our Illegal gifts!

The last two weeks certainly hold some of the most valuable memories of the year to date. Hopefully, they’ll soon be eclipsed during my return to the U.S. on May 4th- has it really been two years that I departed as a young teacher to a small school in Nonthaburi, Thailand?

Note: I know this is a little late in the blog game, but for those of you who’ve enjoyed reading my blogs but forget to check for new entries, scroll down to the bottom- I’ve added a device that will notify you by email when I update. Cheers!

As many of you know, Bangkok has been wreaked with political upheaval over the last week. Simply put, Thai politics have been essentially polarized into two vehemently-opposed camps (Americans readers: sound familiar?). These groups are labeled as the red shirts (anti-current government) and the yellow shirts (pro-current government… and military-backed). Presently, the red-shirts have staged protests all throughout the city for the past week, peaking at around 100,000, and have done everything to express their grievances from boisterous parades around the city to hurling blood (their own, donated) on government buildings and the Prime Minister’s house. Here’s some shots from one of the protests I attended:

Now for the secret.

To be fair, I was the definition of politeness when I initially turned down the position, I even wished them well in their search for someone to fill it. However, the thought- unlike most unwelcome considerations- would not leave but hounded me until I had submitted to discussing it with close friends, and that is where it gained its foothold.

I’ll slay all suspense- although I will be returning to the States for summer break, it is not a permanent move. Come July, I will be returning to Thailand not as a teacher, but as the youth pastor of the church I’ve attended for the past two years. This change of events has been close to two months in the making, but of course I’ve not been allowed to speak of it until it had been revealed to the congregation. The Reader’s Digest version goes something like this: things have not gone well for the current youth pastor and he will be returning to the States at the end of the school year. As I’ve worked alongside the youth program for the last two years, my church has asked my to fill the position as they search for a permanent replacement. Although there are definitely drawbacks for remaining another year in Thailand, there are perks as well: a condo with pool access in an ex-pat community, my own car and no joke, motorbike for cruising on the weekends.. maybe I could a (motor)biker group!

Obviously, this was not an easy decision to make with grad school just around the corner. The deeper truth is that I have a bit of an inborn aversion to positions with the label “full-time ministry”, not because I dislike service-oriented jobs, but because of all the baggage and hypocrisy that I’ve seen attached to such positions all throughout my life. I’ve seen people change, feeling as though they must become superior in their humanity in order to “live above reproach” and this attitude either bred frustration in their realization that they were no more”righteous” then the faces staring back at them from the pews, or developed an intolerable, self-righteous arrogance that left people feeling disgusted with them and the faith which they represented.

These were my fears, but after several long discussion with the head pastor, I felt confident in knowing that I could fulfill my role, which is essentially relationship-building with a focus on Christ, without being coerced to alter who I am. Without being assured of this, there was no way I could confidently accept the position.

At this point, I’ve become increasingly excited about what the oncoming year will bring. Our youth program already has a great group of kids and I’m excited to be able to interact and engage with them on a far deeper level. Even though this a drastic change from my original plans- getting settled in NY and working towards a Masters in Journalism- my hope is that you will support me in this, as many of you already have; many thanks for that!

I spent a fantastic weekend out at Kanchanaburi- home of the famed River Kwai Bridge. We flagged down this woman to take us to the bus station, and were amazed by which the eased prowess her poodle (which she was obviously very attached to) rode. Standing in her lap, it used the odometer as a sort of platform for its front paws, head erect in the breeze, distantly reminiscent of an old ship’s figurehead.

So many things are happening in one seamless flow of events. The coming month marks the last of my years as a grade school teacher, but never say never again- right? I’m also fully engaged in plan-making. Plans for grad school, plans for the summer, and decisions for the near future. I enjoy the freshness of the process, but within it lingers uncertainty and hesitation, which are not altogether negative elements of decision-making. In fact, I feel that on some level they are almost necessary.

Plans are soon to be set in semi-permanence and I will tell you of these as soon as I can. Until then, I’ll leave you with something I’ve been working on for the past several months: I am attempting to capture the sensations and ambience of living in Thailand through my poetry as a means to preserve these relatively happy years of my life. The one I’ve selected, I composed while watching the evening sun set inside the tents and emerging stalls of the Lumphini Night Market:

-

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Bazaar the Night

Neon lights singe the pallid air
I sit and watch, watchfully set,
And stare, faces on a carousel
Swing around my chair.

Garlic seeps deep in my throat
As does clove, and pungent spices
As though to escape a fate
Left to wander by wind’s devices

Hawkers soon will call
but not just yet.
As you know, dusk lingers still like
Fading notes, a wavering quill

Some approach in pairs, alike in many ways
A silver salt-and-pepper set
Yet others by themselves they go
Enchanting- are they lonely?
Like you? Like me?

I think we will never know
Unless we ask of them who
They are and walk.
Alongside we go, into the entrails
of the night’s bazaar

Fried flowers are a specialty snack on Ko Kret

My father was in the initial stages of constructing our house- out of a gorgeous, blood-red mahogany I should add- and had given my brother and I a monumental task: wipe out every bulbous ant nest that infested our lot. We took to it in the feverish spirit of ruthless conquest, and our strategy was simple. Machete in hand, we would climb the tree where the nest was located- many the size of two basketballs fused together- sever the branch to which the nest clung, and drag it to a pile where they would collect into a formidable heap to meet their fate. To be fair, we would take turns climbing the trees. Of course we would be bitten mercilessly, we realized this, yet that was the sacrifice for a job well done.

The plan felt exactly how it sounded- hellish. I still can envision in near-grotesque vividness the first nest. After several dozen bites inflicted while climbing up the tree (a gentle foretaste), I struck the branch with the blade. The branch glowed a dull, angry red. In the next instant I was glowing red, with fire ants swarming down my arm and into my mouth and ears, all consumed in a biting frenzy. Screaming, I hurled the machete to the ground and leaped out of the tree, rolling and shouting frantically at my brother to do something helpful.

However, we were not to be spurned, colonies of red fire ants or no. At the end of the day, we sent nine ant nests into the sky in the form of ash and oily smoke, and after the last embers had relented their glow, our pet monkey squatted down on a smoldering log and crammed her bulging cheeks with roasted ants.

Friends eating delicious banana roti at Ayutthaya

This is the thought I had as my biking partners desperately stripped off their articles of clothing.

The month of January went by far quicker than I remembered itgoing- I feel as though time has become subjective in its duration. Impending plans of the future stalk me in my thoughts now with increasing regularity, and like vultures impatient for the bleeding beast to pass on, they jab and jeer in an effort to hasten the process.

Knowing the end of school is nearing and with it my regretful departure, I have made it my objective to travel over the weekends, revisiting some of my favorite spots: Ayutthaya (The ancient capital of Thailand), Ko Kret (an island in the middle of the Chao Phraya river known for its pottery artisans), and next week will be Kanchanaburi (the location of the River Kwai Bridge built by WWII POW’s).

Grad school is the plan. I’ll be returning to the US soon after school ends here, spending a gorgeous few weeks with the friends I’ve long missed, and then heading to Europe for the month-long trip I’ve been devising in my thoughts for the past six years. After that, I hope to move into an apartment in NYC and begin my Masters in International Affairs. Hopefully, this is all an enriching process to a long and  glorious career in journalism (yes, I’m being tongue-in-cheek), but things always change. And I’m ok with that.

Any suggestions of where to visit while in Europe?

“Yes I’m sure,” I say, “Lack of energy, loss of voice, sore throat, swollen lymph nodes, headaches. That’s about it.” I add the last bit a little sarcastically, but clearly, she’s not impressed with these; in fact, she even looks a tad bored.

Her eyes widen slightly. She’s thought of something. “How about your appetite? Has it changed at all over the past weeks?”

Finally, we might be getting somewhere: “Yes, actually it has. I have noticed I’ve been losing my appetite. It’s coming back now, but for a few weeks, I wasn’t hungry at all. Does that mean something?”

My confession seems to please with her and silently I rejoice, because from her expression I can see that she has discovered the source of my weakened state. She leans forward, her chair creaks, looking me squarely in the eyes she asks: “Do you have a broken heart?”

Suffice it to say, this is not what I expected to hear from a professional in the medical field.

Having been incapacitated for several weeks due to an unknown illness, even to the extent of canceling my travel plans to Cambodia, I had no choice left but to succumb to the inevitable: a trip to the doctor. However, the above conversation should give ample indication as to how successful my 3-hour stay was. Answer? Not very.

However, it is a sparkly new year now, all 12 minutes of it, so why dwell on the past? As I write this, I recollect where I was a year from this moment: dancing jovially on the beaches of Koh Chang, heavy techno beats thumping through the air like overzealous war drums, laughing with close friends who only days before were complete strangers. But travel does not afford the luxury of time in friendships, does it?

It’s been a good year- I’ve made friendships that will continue indefinitely, traveled to regions I will probably never visit again in my life. Opportunities have been seized, many lost; nonetheless, the sands continue to fall. What do we take with us from each year? I have wondered about that. Do the years begin to blend together into drawn-out stages because we fail to value each year within its own merit, or do we simply think not in specific time periods, rather, in significant events and so-called “chapters”?

It’s sad, really. This thought jarred me as I glanced through an exhaustive photo spread the New York Times did to document the decade. As I skimmed through the images my thought was, “Blast, I can’t even recall what happened in 2003!” Time, like water, flows and surges, reshaping itself into an infinite myriad of memories and instances- all shared, but only a few of its moment’s captured.

Let’s try to make the most of this upcoming year, shall we? As time’s water trickles past in one unbroken current, may we seize it, cup it to our lips, and drink lustfully from it so that it may not all go unsavored within our memorie’s grasp.

A most fantastic New Year to you all and God Bless!

The month of November glided by like a sailplane at night- quietly, yet ever so quickly. Not to say that it hasn’t been busy; it has, but I feel as though I have been focused on my school’s Christmas Program preparations so much so that I’ve allowed other priorities in my life to manage on their own, which we all know does not happen.

Early November was nice- I attended my church’s weekend retreat at the Cha Am Springfield Resort, easily the most luxurious stay I’ve had in my life. My 4th floor room was spacious, and its sweeping balcony overlooked the resort’s pristine golf course, rated 5th in Asia. The outside jacuzzi was definitely appreciated too, although I couldn’t understand what type of person soaks in steaming water that is only slightly warmer than the outside temperature!

It was a great getaway, and good friends of mine brought mountain bikes along with them, so every morning before breakfast we took an exhilarating ride through the outlying hills- great fun!

As the month nears closer to Christmas, I have grown increasingly anxious concerning how I might spend my holiday, with whom, and how it might affect to spend it with no one. My mom was able to come from the Philippines last year and spend it with me, a most-welcome luxury, but this year it will not be possible. When we came to realize this, it struck me that this would be the first Christmas in my life not spent with family, and not being a sentimental person, I was surprised by how much the thought rankled. I think that on different levels, we all yearn for the same things, but still essentially the same: acceptance, love, security, etc. Such event likes spending Christmas Day with loved ones reinforces these values within us. Due to how I’ve been raised, I learned to be self-reliable in many ways, and I because of this I do not have the urgent need to constantly be in close proximity with my family members, who are scattered through the world anyhow.

And yet, Christmas Day is different. At least for me it is. And for someone who is used to being on his own, it was nice to know that the deep-set yearning to be with family on Christmas still thrived within me, and probably will for many years to come.

The good news is that this blog does not set on a despondent Christmas Day for myself- a fantastic family who are good friends of mine have invited me to spend it with them; and once again the line that divides my friends and my family is blurred. Those whom we love and reward this love are family enough.

Merry Christmas to you!

Ferry Speedboat to Koh Tao

10/17/09

“My first image getting on the train was this: A pot-bellied African American, Jamaican t-shirt stretched taut across his burgeoning organ, bottle of Beer Chang in hand, bellowing out, “What the F&#@?” His name was Teddy, he worked for the U.S. Department of Defense, and he was going to be my seatmate for the next 10 hours.

The train ride however, was certainly not as dire as that. I soon became acquainted with a young group of Aussies, and we spent time till the early hours laughing, talking, and hanging out in the open space between the carriages..

On the speedboat to Koh Tao, an island well known for its fantastic diving:

Entering Koh Tao

10/17/09

..We came into port. Shafts of smooth volcanic stone shot up from the island as though outstretched to the sky. Eco-friendly bungalows needled out through the lush foliage, blending harmoniously with its pristine surroundings. Easily Koh Tao is the most beautiful island I’ve come across [so far].

Presently, I was able to find a spacious bungalow only a mere 10 meters from the beach for an astounding 300 B (10$) a night! It comes with a sweeping porch, hammock, and ideally, a desk. I think I might be in some sort of fantastical writing paradise..

10/19/09

My last day in Koh Tao was marvelous, I rented snorkeling gear and explored the island’s surrounding reefs, spooting fish of such electrically vibrant colors it almost seemed contrived. I also located a sunken cargo ship, about 15 meters in length, which definitely was a high point of the swim..

Traveling to Koh Lipe, a remote island far south in the Andaman Sea

Upon arriving in Hat Yai, I met Yanna, a Czech diving instructor and Anna and David, two good-natured Irish backpackers. We spent the evening walking around the marketplace and having a good time. Yanna adores durian (a notorious fruit that emits an odor akin to rotting meat), so o course she bought some and made us all try it- David almost vomited on the spot!

Sunset from my bungalow porch

10/22/09

Koh Lipe is breath-takingly gorgeous- crystalline wates, vast stretches of white sand beaches, the salt sweet breeze coarsing against one’s skin. I think I might spend the rest of my break here..

I must close with describing my bungalow, which I worked down to 250 B a night. The theme of the place is rasta, with bright, multicolored cannabis leaves adorning each structure. The room is small, and the advertised “personal toilet” is an outside utility connected to the room and of the most austere form, surrounded by a short tin fence for privacy. I suppose beggars, meaning budget traveling teachers in this case, cannot always be choosers!

10/23/09

The day was a full one. Alex (a friend I had made on the way to Koh Lipe) and I explored the island, stumbling across gorgeous coastlines yet to be marred by the aggressive development that has begun to ravage the island’s pristine spots..

Later on I played beach soccer with a lively group, meeting Moriseu, a friendly Italian chef on vacation, and his girlfriend Elainia, who is incredibly nice but hardly speaks a word of English- she just smiles when we’re talking, a very nice smile. Very cool people.

10/25/09

Today, myself and six friends rented a longtail boat for snorkeling. It was nice- the water was transparent and I was able to spot such creatures as the flute fish, clown fish, and even sea horses. One of the more interesting animals I caught sight of was a gnarly-looking scorpion fish; a sting from one of its vicious spines could send you into excruciating pain for several weeks.

Out For Snorkeling

The last stop we made was to an island inhabited by tribes of curious monkeys. They were quite bold, coming right up to me and greedily snatching peanuts from my hand, though fixing me with a wary stare all the while.

10/26/09

I finally caught a fish in my lifetime- and it was enormous. We rented a boat to take us out sea fishing, a worthy experience for any island endeavor. I enjoyed sea fishing, which consisted of lashing a massive pole onto the boat and letting it trail behind.

Shouting. We had been cruising for a good two hours when my pole began bending precariously. I began to reel whatever it was in, and this was no simple task. After several minutes of frenzied action, my forearms screaming in protest, it emerged from the water’s surface a fantastic mackerel approximately 1 meter in length!

Dinner that night was incredible. The manager of my accommodations, who had previously worked at a hotel restaurant in Bangkok for several years, prepared my fish for us, grilling fillets of it with garlic and lime juice over simmering red coals. Nine of us feasted that night, along with tasty fried rice and heaping bowls of steamed vegetables.

10/28/09

I spent my last day on Koh Lipe very unlike how I had envisioned it. Instead of renting a kayak and exploring Koh Adang (a nearby island which is entirely a national park), I chose to finish “Open Water”, a short story I’ve been thinking through for several months. Write I did- from 10 am directly after breakfast to 4:30 pm, not even stopping for lunch. But I’m finished, and the sense of accomplishment I experienced is enormous. Tomorrow I say my goodbyes to my newfound friends and make my way back to Bangkok, this time by plane

And made it back I did after the goodbyes were said, the salt-stained clothes stuffed back into my rucksack. It was a good break; I saw much and interacted with many individuals I hope to see again. Now only to wait one more month and December break is just around the not-all-that-distant corner!

This quote by the English writer Aldous Huxley reaches down into the soft marrow of travel. As I move through different environments while journeying, I feel somehow separated from the people and habitat I am amidst. Silently, I absorb both the magnificent and minute details as the member of an enraptured, disconnected audience. Traveling allows me this kindness- to exist and observe in solitude.

However, I ultimately agree with the crux of the late Huxley’s reflection, that to exist indefinitely only as one passing through allows no depth in one’s understanding of humanity, no gratification derived from those chance encounters that leaves one enriched and the more wiser.

In travel, there are stirring experiences to be seized, but there must be that balance between the actor and the audience or I fear one will arrive at their journey’s end with little to show for it.

With that being said, I plan to do just that-  travel by train and eat in restaurants all across southern Thailand, however it will only be for a mere two weeks and not my entire life. I won’t deny the thought has crossed my mind, though. I will leave by the overnight train tonight, and reach the “doorway to the south” city of Surat Thani in the early morning.

Apart from purchasing the train ticket, very little of my excursion is rigidly set, and I consciously planned it this way. It looks as though I will spend several days at the dive haven island Koh Tao, then I will travel down further south to Hat Yai, a city that has unfortunately been plagued with flurries of violence and the Thai government and Muslim insurgents continue to battle on. I’ve been told that it is a gorgeous city, though. And no, foreigners are not necessarily the targets of violence, so there is little cause for worry. From there, I plan to take a small ferryboat to Koh Tarutao, a marine national park that historically served as a penal colony for Thailand. It ceased to be this when, during an economic downpoint, the government stopped sending food supplies, so together the guards and prisoners revolted and escaped the island to Malaysia. Hopefully they found life less dire with the laid-back Malays.

Alright- time to pack. Be well in mind, health, and heart, and by God’s Good Graces you will hear from me in approximately two weeks!